Amélie

Director: Jean-Pierre Jeunet

Year: 2001

Language: French

Length: 1 hr 56 mins (116 minutes)

Staring: Audrey Tautou, Mathieu Kassovitz, Yolande Moreau, Dominique Pinon, Michel Robin.

Plot: [Taken from LOVEFiLM]Amelie Poulain (Audrey Tautou) is a young woman who glides through the streets of Paris as quietly as a mouse. With wide eyes and a tiny grin, she sees the world in a magical light, discovering minor miracles every day. A shy and reserved person whose favorite moments are spent alone skimming stones into the water, Amelie was raised by a pair of eccentrics who falsely diagnosed her with a heart problem at the age of six and so limited her exposure to the outside world.

Now a free and independent woman, Amelie wears a bob that curls in every direction and dresses in red. With a job in a cafe and an aptitude for spying on her neighbors, Amelie entertains herself by enacting a series of homemade, kindhearted practical jokes. She returns a long-forgotten box of childhood knickknacks to its proper owner, she sends her father's garden troll on a trip around the world, and she creates a love connection at the cafe between the hypochondriac druggist and a beer-drinking grouch. But when the day is done, Amelie finds one stone unturned, and decides to work her magic on the quirky object of her affections, Nino Quincampoix (Matthieu Kassovitz), whom she has never met.

Review: It's witty, its beautiful, its cute, its funny, its sad, its happy, its perfect. I had no idea what to expect when I started watching this film, I'd never even heard of it and then it was in French and I had to read... But, it was absolutely brilliant. The use of colour and shots was perfect. The plot was odd and, at times, a little hard to follow, but really came together well at the end.

If you like French films, you'll like this (and actuall to be perfectly honest, even if you don't like French films, you'll like this). Its brilliant and completely unlike anything I'd seen before. If you're looking for something heart-warming, romantic and funny, yet thought-provoking, watch this. If you're not, then maybe you should watch it anyway because it's just so fricking good!

The way the story is told through the unfamiliar child-like mind of Amalie in that oddly fast-paced and curious way, is phenomenal. The thing with the gnome and the postcards is absolute beautiful genius. And daaaaamn is she beautiful!

Quotes: 'Amélie: It's better to help people than garden gnomes.'

Overall Rating: 5/5

X-Men: First Class

Director: Matthew Vaughn

Year: 2011

Language: English

Length: 2 hrs 12 mins (132 mins)

Staring: Michael Fassbender, James McAvoy, Kevin Bacon, Oliver Platt, Jennifer Lawrence, January Jones, Rose Byrne, Nocholas Hoult, Bill Milner, Zoe Kravitz.

Plot: A prequel to the x-men films showing the origins of Professor X, Magneto and the X-Men. Before these two were the arch enemies we know them as, they were the closest of friends, They worked together to find new mutants, train them and help to stop the greatest threat the world has ever known. So far. Shaw and his small gang are ensuring the start of WWIII. Slowly, as the film progresses a rift opens between the two that starts the eternal war between Professor X's X-Men and Magneto's Brotherhood.

Review: It is a very good film. It manages to be funny, sad, beautiful without actually having too much of a plot line to follow. Well done! Its so well shot and has such good acting that it fools you into thinking that the plot is amazing! And then you're like WAIT. That's shit!

And yet I love it. Its now in my top 100 for sure. Which is ridiculous! Especially seeing as I absolutely hate how they do Mystique. It's so Stupid. Stuuupid.

Oh, but, Emma Frost in her undies is sexy as hell. Michael Fassbender is an amazing actor in everything ever and this is no exception. His eyes are beautiful and hold so much emotion when he talks of his past. His face is calm and shows his hard background. Even when saying the shortest lines he makes them perfect. I could so see him growing into Ganda- I mean older Magneto portrayed by the fantabulous Sir Ian McKellen.

Also, why are James' lips so red? Its beautiful, but why?

Quotes: 'Logan: Go f**k yourself.'

'Xavier: Don't touch my hair.'

'Erik: My fellow mutants! The real enemy is out there.'

'Erik: I've been at the mercy of men just following orders. Never again.'

'Erik: You want society to accept you, but you can't even accept yourself.'

'Erik: What an adorable lab rat you make, Charles.'

'Xavier: A new species is being born. Help me guide it, shape it, lead it.'

'Xavier: There is so much more to you than you know. Not just pain and anger. There is good, too. I felt it. When you can access all of that, you will possess a power no one can match. Not even me.

Overall Rating: 3.5/5 (I want a sequal!)

RED

Director: Robert Schwentke

Year: 2010

Language: English

Length: 1 hr 51 mins (111 minutes)

Staring: Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malcovich, Helen Miram Karl Urban, Mary-Louise Parker

Plot: Retired Extremely Dangerous. Frank Moses, Joe, Marvin, and Victoria used to be the CIA's top agents and killers. The secrets they know, however, have just made them the Agency's top targets. Now framed for assassination, they must use all now come out of retirement to get the old team back together and use their combined experience to keep one step ahead. As they embark on a cross-country mission, they uncover one of the biggest conspiracies and cover-ups in government history. All whilst being pursued by the Agencies newest hotshot.

Review: I wish I had a dvd of Karl's hips in that suit, damn. Anyway! Such a good film! It is hilarious and super action-packed, a film that any person of any age or taste would surely enjoy. Karl Urban's eyes are so crazy looking! Every time they zoomed in on his face he looked well nutty. And a breach of character from their usual for Freeman and Miram and it was PERFECT! She should definitely play deadly more often. And uuuugh I hate how well she's aging! SO unfair! Malcovich was perfect as the nutty guy that got shot at a lot!

The only problem that I had with this film is that the plot really dwindles and, to be perfectly honest, I'm not even too sure that there really is much of a plot in the first place. And, yes, I do understand that the point of this film is not the plot but really awesome actors being in a really awesome action film and that a shit story line is still a storyline. I just feel like this one tried so hard to have a story line and just failed.

Don't get me wrong, though! I still loved this film and it genuinely is an amazing action thriller that you should definitely go see. And Karl Urban is sexy. :D

P.S. Anyone else notice that the set for Malcovich's house was the same as the one from The A Team film of 2010? LOL.

Quotes: 'Ivan: This was done to me by the love of my life. Now she sits outside my house drinking vodka. When I woke alive, I knew she still loved me. Otherwise it would have been the head. It was big risk for her but one does crazy things for love.'

'Marvin: Frank, I never thought I'd say this again. I'm getting the pig!'

Overall Rating: 4.5/5 (+.5 because Karl Urban.)

Chernobyl Diaries

Director: Bradley Parker

Year: 2012

Language: English

Length: 1 hr 26 mins (86 minutes)

Staring: Jonathan Sadowski, Jesse McCartney, Olivia Dudley, Devin Kelley, Dimitri Diatchenko, Nathan Phillips, Ingrid Berdal.

Plot: Six tourists hire an extreme tour guide who takes them on a tour of the abandoned and well guarded city, Pripyat, the former home to the workers of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor. After they break into the city and begin their exploration, they soon discover that they are not alone.

Review: Meh. To be honest it was a bit poo. It had a reeeeeally long beginning that meant nothing. It was very 'American' in its style of be friends with the people that you absolutely know are going to die! Whoo! Aren't they funny? Aren't they cute? No they're ass holes.

The Russian guy was cool. There was a bear in the house which was cool. (Insert meme about soviet russia and bear living in house here). The Australian was pointed out as a dirty, dirty thief which was LOOOOLLL.

The film was obvious and predictable all the way through. The zombies weren't scary. The shadows moving weren't done well at all. They looked like pink panther sneaking about. I half expected the music. Sucks the pretty brother died. I thought the blonde was Kristin Stewart in a wig her acting was so bad.

The ending made the whole film worth while, however. It was phenomenal. I'm not going to say what happened, you should watch the film to see it. You will never expect it. It seems like the disgustingly cliché ending you expect and then BAM Russians.

Also, Jonathan Sadowski has beautiful blue eyes. He was my absolute favourite in Chuck and the Shit my dad says was LULZ and then nothing for ages. Good to see he is still in acting! And still beautiful! XD

Quotes: 'Paul: have you heard of extreme tourism?' 

Seriously, nobody said anything interesting.

Overall Rating: 2/5

The Neverending Story

Director: Wolfgang Petersen

Year: 1984

Language: English

Length: 1 hr 32 mins (92 minutes)

Staring: Barret Oliver, Gerald McRaney, Noah Hathaway, Tami Stronach.

Plot: Bastian is a young boy who lives a dreary life being tormented by school bullies. On one such occasion he escapes into a book shop where the old proprieter reveals an ancient story-book to him, which he is warned can be dangerous. Shortly after, he "borrows" the book and begins to read it in the school attic where he is drawn into the mythical land of Fantasia, which desperately needs a hero to save it from destruction.

Review: A very 80's film that is shot in a very old style showing its age and possibly not making too 'timeless'. However, I think if you have kids, they'll love it. It was my favourite book when I was young and it's taken me 20 years to watch the film, but now I have I'm in love. They have the characters spot on. The make-up and sets are fantastic. Personally, love it more than The Labyrinth.

It has warmth and beauty in it as well as sadness and depth. A true fairytale film.

Quotes: 'Falcor: Never give up and good luck will find you.'

'Engywook: To the winch, wench.'

'Falcor: Having a luck dragon with you is the only way to go on a quest.'

'Engywook: Ever heard of me? Atreyu: I don't think so. Engywook: You don't move in scientific circles.'

'Urgl: There's no fool like an old fool!'

Overall Rating: 5/5

Indecent Proposal

Director: Adrian Lyne

Year: 1993

Language: English (I watched it in Spanish though)

Length: 1 hour 52 minutes (112 minutes)

Staring: Woody Harrelson, Demi Moore, Robert Redford, Oliver Platt, Seymour Cassel, Billy Bob Thornton

Plot: Long time sweethearts, David (Woody Harrelson), an architect, and Diana (Demi Moore), a real estate agent, find themselves on hard times when financial troubles bring them to the verge of losing their house, which David designed. Taking their last $5,000, they go to Vegas in hopes of multiplying their money. Luck fails them, but they are faced with a major moral dilemma when billionaire John Gage (Robert Redford) spots Diana in the casino and offers her one million dollers to spend the night with him. What ensues causes them to question their relationship more than anything they've ever encountered. Based on the novel by Jack Engelhard.

Review: It's a good film in the way that it looks into the human psyche and the way that we like to think of ourselves as righteous and tell ourselves that we would never sell ourselves or our loved ones for money in theory. However, if it truly ever came down to it, most of us probably would. The only problem I have with this film really is that its very slow and not really very much happens in it. Also, the way the women says that she would never sell herself, does and then goes off with the rich man... and her husband is just a little dumb and is fine with everything and then suddenly explodes with rage and overreacts about everything. Also, the guy that plays the rich guy really isn't that attractive or a nice person and, other than the fact he is completely loaded, the woman just falls him so quickly.

Quotes: 'Diana: If you ever want something badly, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never yours to begin with.'
'Diana: The dress is for sale. I'm not.'
'John: I remember once when I was young, and I was coming back from some place, a movie or something. I was on the subway and there was a girl sitting across from me and she was wearing this dress that was bottoned queer up right to here, she was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And I was shy then, so when she would look at me I would look away, then afterwards when I would look back she would look away. Then I got to where I was gonna get off, and got off, the doors closed, and as the train was pulling away she looked right at me and gave me the most incredible smile. It was awful, I wanted to tear the doors open. And I went back every night, same time, for two weeks, but she never showed up. That was 30 years ago and I don't think that theres a day that goes by that I don't think about her, I don't want that to happen again.'

Overall Rating: 3.5/5

Crossroads

Director: Walter Hill

Year: 1986

Language: English

Length: 1 hour 38 minutes (98 minutes)

Staring: (main cast) Ralph Macchio, Joe Seneca, Jami Gertz, Joe Morton, Robert Judd, Steve Vai (Musicians) Ry Cooder, Sonny Terry, William Kanengiser, Steve Vai

Plot: [stolen from love film] Eugene Martone (Ralph Macchio), is a rebellious young classical guitarist who would rather play the Blues. Whilst searching for a lost song by Blues legend Robert Johnson, he meets Blues legend Willie Brown (Joe Seneca), in an old peoples home. Willie says he will give Eugene the lost song Blues song if he springs him from the retirement home and takes him back to his real home in the Mississippi Delta. It is while there that Willie attempts to win his soul back from the devil, having sold it - to be a blues legend - as a young man at a crossroads, in the same way Robert Johnson had before him. The devil says he will return his soul, but only if Eugene can beat his champion in a guitar-playing competition. But if he loses, both Willie's and Eugene's souls will be forfeit...

Review: It was strange to watch it and not instantly think about how dated the film was, it really worked still even even in this day and age. The karate kid really can act like he's playing the guitar, I'll give him that and man Ry Cooder is just a sensational guitarist... Fuck. The best part of the whole film is at the start where the kid breaks out the old guy from the hospital, I don't know why, but seeing an old man run is just sensational. The end with the guitar battle is just so frigging awesome! There has never been, nor will there ever be, another battle like that on tv or in film. Fact.

The middle bit gets a bit wishy-washy and drags its feet a bit and you kind of seriously hate the girl because she's kind of a total asshole, but then the film picks it self right back up and storms ahead with the story line.

The filming of this is just beautiful, especially for its time, with the extraordinary scenery and the tinting of sepia tones to the flashbacks is just astounding. I recommend this film to anyone a fan of the style of music and a film heavily weighed by the impacts of race, but overall its not that great of film to just watch on a whim otherwise.

Quotes: 'Willie Brown: It's amazing how much has changed and still managed to stay the same.'
'Willie Brown: You want me to say that you're as good as Samual Johnson, but kid, you ain't got shit on him.'

Overall Rating: 4/5 

Battle Royale

Director: Kinji Fukasaku

Year: 2000

Language: Japanese (English Subtitles)

Length: 1 hour 57 minutes (117 minutes)

Staring: Tatsuya Fujiwara, Aki Maeda, Taro Yamamoto, Takeshi Kitano, Sousuke Takaoka, Takeshi Tsukamoto, Yukihiro Kotani, Eri Ishikawa, Sayaka Kamiya, Aki Inoue, Takyo Mimura, Yutaka Shimada, Ren Matsuzawa, Hirohito Honda, Ryou Nitta

Plot: Set in Japan at the start of a new millennium when unemployment is at a serious high and violence amongst the nation's youth is spiralling out of control. With school children boycotting their lessons and physically attacking their teachers (at the start of the film one boy sticks a knife in a teachers leg), a near-defeated and beleaguered government. decides to introduce a new and completely radical measure: The Battle Royale Act.

Overseen by a former teacher, a randomly chosen school class is alluded into thinking they're going on a school trip and is actually taken to a deserted island then forced to fight each other to the death. The act dictates that only one pupil will be allowed to survive the punishment. He or she will return, not as the victor, but as the ultimate threat and proof of the lengths to which the government are prepare to go to put a stop of the youths disobedience. The winner then goes on to join another class in their battle (as shown by the two students that join in the beginning)

It has to be one of the most controversial film ever, it manages to be clever, creepy and ultra violent at all the same time. Battle Royale is a jewel in the crown of Japanese cinema. 

Review: Okay, first off, Tatsuya Fukiwara is so freaking beautiful. This film is so fucking fantastic! The island its shot on is beautiful and the camera man really knows what he's doing, they know exactly when sweeping wide shots or close shots are relevant. I think the serenity of the island really adds to the creepiness of the whole thing though, the director really knew what he was doing with this film.  

The film itself is super amazing! Its gore at its best and is super creepy. It really shows 'the human condition' at its best, and shows the lengths to which people will truly go just to save themselves. Even when they try to ban together, it fails and they turn on each other. 

I find the ending a little obvious and a bit like the film just kind of... fizzles out.

Quotes: "I saw a tampon in the toilet and [name] wasn't on her period... but didn't you come on just a few days ago?" I don't why but it just made me laugh. 

Overall Rating: 4.9/5 (would be a 5 if the ending was better...XD)

History Of The World: Part I

Director: Mel Brooks

Year: 1981

Language: English

Length: 1 hour and 28 minutes (88 minutes)

Staring: Mel Brooks, Pamela Stephenson, Dom DeLuise, Madiline Kahn, Harvey Korman, Cloris Leachman, Gregory Hines, Spike Milligan, Ron Carey, Sid Caesar. (I feel like I'm missing someone important... any idea who?)

Plot: This film is a spoof of some of the greatest moments in history, from the beginning of humanity through Roman times and the French Revolution to round off oddly somewhere in the middle. This film is yet another show of Mel Brooks fantastic abilities as he gives a twisted history lesson with his usual vulgar satire and mad humour. The film is narrated by the fantastic voice of Orson Welles, and tells of the progress of mankind as cave dweller, tap-dancing black slave and biblical hero Moses. As well as mocking famous historical events it also mocks historical films, most notably 'The Greatest Story Ever Told' and 'The Ten Commandments, as well as a brilliant parody of '2001: A space Odyssey'.

Review: First of all let me just say there is no part II, there is a clip at the end of what would be in it and it's hilarious, but alas no part II in sight my friends. But, that aside, go see this film. Now. Go. I'll wait. Seen it? Love it? I know. How could you not?! As soon as you see the first 10 minutes of the film, you're in love. My favourite bit had to be where Moses come down from mount Sinai and has three tables "I'll show the people your fifteen rules." Then he dops one. "Everyone I have the ten commandments of God!" Or something like that, either way hilair. XD Though I do warn, if you have no sense of humour... you won't like this film. Every single line is a joke and to be taken as such, nothing in it is serious, there are racial, sexist, gay and sex jokes throughout it and can offend some. 

Quotes: The whole film is one big quote... It's hard to choose particulars. They're so many dick/sex/gay jokes.

Overall Rating: 5/5 GO WATCH IT NOW. SHOO, SHOO!

Blazing Saddles

Director: Mel Brooks

Year: 1974

Language: English

Length: 1hour 29minutes (89 Minutes)

Staring: Cleavon Little, Gene Wo;der, Slim Pickens, Madeline Kahn, Mel Brooks, Alex Karras, David Huddleston, Claude Ennis Starrett Jr., Dom DeLuise

Plot: (Taken from LoveFilm.com because I'm lazy.) A hilarious, madcap spoof of nearly every Hollywood Western convention, BLAZING SADDLES turns racism on its head at every turn. When the sheriff of a small frontier town is killed, convict Bart (Cleavon Little) is appointed the first black sheriff of the all-white Rock Ridge by the evil Hedley Lamarr (Harvey Korman) in a bid to chase the townspeople from their homes. The naive Sheriff Bart soon realizes from the less-than-cheery welcome that the townspeople (who all seem to be named Johnson) aren't prepared for a black sheriff and that he was never meant to succeed at all. Enlisting the sensitive town drunk (Gene Wilder), formerly the Waco Kid, Bart embarks on a plan to help save Rock Ridge. A scathing spoof that deals with racism, sexism, and bodily functions, BLAZING SADDLES offers a contrast between picture and words that is shocking, subversive, and hysterical. 

Director Mel Brooks, working from an hilarious script-- written, by among others, Richard Pryor—makes two memorable appearances as both the sleazy governor and a Yiddish-speaking Sioux Indian chief, while Madeline Kahn does a side-splitting Marlene Dietrich imitation as the town floozy/entertainer. Featuring fabulous comic turns by Alex Karras, Slim Pickens, and the aforementioned Little, Brooks, Korman, and Wilder, BLAZING SADDLES is one of the raunchiest, funniest, and most beloved spoofs ever made.

Review: It is yet another marvellous achievement by one of the greatest directors of all time, especially since working with comedic script writing genius that is Richard Pryor. This film starts of perhaps a little slow but then it flies away with hilarity. It is pure genius taking the piss out of film, after film, after film, from The Sundance Kid to Rio Bravo to The great Big Band sound of Count Bassie. Each and every character has their own twist to their personality that shapes their lines and deliverance. I still have no idea how Gene Wilder and Cleavon Little deliver some of their lines with such serious faces. I'm not certain that Mel Brooks does.

The best bit of the film is definitely at the ending that I hate to kill, where they storm the studio and then with The Great Pie fight with a saluting Hitler in the back ground before continuing to run amok! Then they quickly put the cherry on the top of the cake with a quick Sheriff cliche parting. 

Quotes: "Gawd... you use yer tongue perdier than a $20 whore." 
"Hey, where the white women at?" 
"And now for my next impression... Jessie Owens. *Runs*" 
"Head them off at the pass... I hate that cliche! *shoots*" 
"Oh lord do we have the strength to carry out this might task... or are we just jerking off?" 
"Somebodies gotta go back and get a shit loada dimes." 
BEST LINE: "Piss on you! I'm working for Mel Brooks!"

Overall Rating: 5/5