Welcome To The Punch

Director: Eran Creevy

Year: 2013

Language: English

Length: 1 hr and 39 mins (99 minutes)

Staring: James McAvoy, Mark Strong, Johnny Harris, David Morrissey, Daniel Kaluuya, Andrea Riseborough, Elyes Gabel.

Plot: Ex-criminal Jacob Sternwood is forced to return to London after his son gets involved in a heist-gone-wrong and winds up dead. He teams up with detective Max Lewinsky to find the people responsible and bring them to justice. But, what they find turns out to be a little over there heads and they get more than they bargained for.

Review: I have gone into this film without any actual prior knowledge... Again. Oh, except James Macavoy's in it (whom I'm saw in Macbeth on 21-3 and is beautiful , so...) and Mark Strong who is soooo badass in everything ever so I was expecting it to be good no matter... I wasn't disappointed, as such, but it wasn't at all as good as I was hoping for.

Don't get me wrong, the action scenes are exciting and fun and so well executed, they really are. They pick the film up and kick it all up a hole notch, each and every time. It's just the rest of it thats... meh. The story line is thin, sloppy, weak and soooo slow. Though, how sexy is James when he smokes? Damn.

There is a point towards the end,probably just beyond the halfway point – when Jacob saves Max, or maybe just after that actually, after the hospital? Is it bad I don't remember? - when even the storyline picks up its slack a little and catches up. Maybe it's because the film actually loses a good majority of its initial dramatised story line and just goes for the intense action sequences and play around with small sessions of back and forth and setup? Who knows, either way, it gets better.

Oh, and, as ever Mark is a terrific villain! And that bit with the grandma was hilarious and very clever. Also, they whole frienemies dynamic was so funny and cute!

Quotes: … Yeah... it's not really what I'd call a quotable film.

Overall Rating: 3/5

Identity Theif

Director: Seth Gordon

Year: 2013

Language: English

Length: 1 hr and 51 mins (111 minutes)

Staring: Jason Bateman, Melissa McCarthy, John Cho, Robert Patrick, T.I., Amanda Peet, Jon Favreau, Genesis Rodriguez, Morris Chestnut.

Plot: Mild-mannered businessman Sandy Patterson travels from Denver to Miami to confront the deceptively harmless-looking woman who has been living it up after stealing Sandy's identity.

Review: Went in with expectations held probably a tad too high... And was a little let down. But I hearts Jason in everything ever, he's just so fucking sweet! And Melissa, I have genuinely loved since she was in Gilmore Girls. Also, both their interviews on the Daily Show were aaaawesooome! So effing funny XD Seeiously though, Jason is too cute! #BlameBateman

I really love these outlandish, laugh-out-loud funny kind of films. The humour isn't too unexpected, nothing that really jumps out and takes you by surprise, but is safe and just... fun. Which, these days, is something we don't get. It's been too much of this 'Hangover' type films that are constantly trying to out do eachother and be more outrageous than the last. It's getting reeeeeeal old guys.

Unless, you're expecting any kind of plot that stands or a directorial phenomenon, then it probably it isn't a film for you. If you're just expecting a feel good film that is funny most of the time, slightly awkward and dull in others, then this is for you!

I'm aware this post is somewhat schizophrenic but what I'm saaaaying is, it isn't top notch, but it is so worth while! It is funny! Go, go see it! :D

Quotes: 'Dianna: What are you, a Kenyan?'

'Sandy: She's like a hobbit... I'm going after Bilbo.'

Overall Rating: 4/5

Parental Guidance

Director: Andy Fickman

Year: 2012

Language: English

Length: 1 hr and 45 mins(105 minutes)

Staring: Billy Crystal, Bette Midler, Marisa Tomei, Tom Everett Scott, Bailee Madison, Joshua Rush, Kyle Harrison Breitkopf.

Plot: Grandparents Artie and Diane agree to look after the three grandkids when the parents need to leave town for work. Problems arise when mum decides she's not quite ready to leave and the kids' different upbringing collides with grandpa's old-school methods.

Review: Worst. Film. Ever. Oh my Gandhi it was bad. It was so very... American, and in a very, very bad way. If you're an American 12 year old that's watching it because female Max from Wizards of Waverly place is in it, then go for it! It is so for you! Any body else, with any taste, avoid it like fire. Unless you like fire, then avoid it like... baths or something.

It was typical and predictable and dull. Which suuuuucks because I adore Billy Crystal and Bette Midler is, and always has been, one of my idols. But, yeah. Sucks. Don't watch it.

Quotes: Billy is pretty funny, but, generally speaking its poop.

Overall Rating: 1/5

Green Hornet

(Seriously, he's just the cutest thing ever.)

Director: Michael Gondry

Year: 2011

Length: 1 hr 59 mins (119 minutes)

Staring: Seth Rogan, Jay Chou, Christoph Waltz, Cameron Diaz, Tom Wilkinson, James Franco (who is uncredited and I'm still mad).

Plot: Following the mysterious death of his father, Britt Reid, local party boy and heir to his fathers newspaper and fortune, teams up with the mechanic Kato to become a masked crime fighting team. Sort of.

Review: I don't care what you people, critics or my mum, think, this film is amazeballs. Seriously, though, it really is pure family fun. Its witty, its cute, its stupid, and overall just hilarious. I want to put my foot down and call it laugh-out-loud funny. Plus, Jay Chou is adooooorable and a pronominal actor, a new and young Jet Li maybe? That man is getting on... and still kicking butt. What was I talking about? Oh right, this film.

Seth Rogan even co-wrote this and I am, as a lot of you are too I'm sure, a huge fan of pretty much all of his movies. He's so talented and funny! Its a whole different kind of humour.

I am, as you may have guessed, actually a bit of a nerd, and this film really hit home with me in a whole different way, right in the childhood. It kept so close to the old characters and their kind of personalities, even with Jay Chou playing legend Bruce Lee was so close!

Also, who doesn't love Christoph Waltz as a bad guy? Amiright? Hell yeah I am! I mean, he even just won an Oscar! Whoooo! He's pretty amazeballs in this, too. I mean, to be fair, he kind of MAKES this movie as awesome as it is.

Quotes: 'Kato: You know Shanghai? Britt: Yeah, I love Japan.'

'Britt: I will blow this guy in any proportion I want!'

'Britt: Girls are a drag... I'm so glad we have each other Kato.'

'Chudnofsky: You said I'm boring. My gun has two barrels. That's not boring.'

'Britt: Kato, I want you to take my hand and I want you to come with me on this adventure. Kato: I will go with you, but I don't want to touch you.'

'Chudnofsky: Ha! I'm ungassable!'

Pluuuussss that whole scene at the start with James Franco saying Chudnofsky's name, that shit is HILAIR.

Overall Rating: 5/5

Pitch Perfect

Director: Jason Moore

Year: 2012

Length: 1 hr 52 mins (112 minutes)

Staring: Anna Kendrick, Skylar Astin, Rebel Wilson, Anna Camp, Brittany Snow, Ben Platt, Ester Dean, Adam DeVine, Elizabeth Banks and John Michael Higgins.

Plot: Beca (Kendrick), a new freshman at Barden University, is persuaded into joining acapella group The Barden Bells by a forceful Chloe (Snow). Raising their energy and expanding their very limited repertoire, The Bellas soon take their music to a whole new level against their male arch-rivals and in a campus-wide riff-off competition. But, when she meets her match with Jesse Swanson (Astin), will everything become a little less perfect or will she have her happy ending?

Review: This film is, excuse the pun, perfect. I've seen in twice and got the DVD on pre-order, I've been listening to the soundtrack non-stop. Skylar Astin is so just like a baby Zachary Levi! He's so cuuuute and dayum that voice! XD Rebel Wilson is so completely hilarious! XD I can't believe so many of her lines were ab-lib! Oh my god, Benj! So fricking cuuuuuuute! All the love!

The film and storyline itself is a bit dumb and predictable. She's kind of … a gigantic tool, as well. I mean, I get it whaaaatever teenage rebellion angst, blah-blah, but you are waaaay to mean to poor baby Jesse! And it is very... American. Like, literally, that is the only way to describe this. It's just very... yeah. I mean, its even shot and directed in a very … american way. Oh well. It's still amazing.

Quotes: 'Fat Amy: Well, sometimes, I have the feeling I can do crystal meth. But, then I think 'mmm... better not'.'

'Fat Amy: I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna finish him like a cheesecake.'

'Lilly: Do you want to see a dead body?'

'John: Women are about as good at a cappella as they are at being doctors.'

'Benji: The Treblemakers: The rock stars of a cappella, the messiahs of Barden. Well, you know not including athletes, frat guys, or actual cool people.'

'Bumper: You girls are awesome... ly horrible. I hate you. Kill yourselves. Girl power! Sisters before misters!'

Overall Rating: 4/5

Fire In The Sky

Director: Robert Lieberman

Year: 1993

Language: English

Length: 1 hr 44 mins (104 minutes)

Staring: James Garner, D.B Sweeney, Robert Patrick, Craig Sheffer, Peter Berg, Henry Thomas, Bradley Gregg, Noble Willingham.

Plot: Based on a true story, the movie follows a controversial UFO incident in the mountains of Arizona in 1975. A group of loggers encounter an alien space ship and one of their crew is taken. They then have to encounter and tackle the public's hostile reaction to their claims.

Review: I must say, going into this, I had absolutely no idea what to expect other than that a friend of mine enjoyed it soooo much I absolutely had to see it. So, without any kind of preconceptions or hype or anything, I watched it and... it was weird. It was really, really, weird. I didn't even know it was sci-fi at first, thought it was going to be a film about some hillbilly foresters. Or, Canadians. I certainly didn't expect what I got.

But, what I did get, once it had settled and I actually sort of got what was happening, was spectacular. It was a mish-mash of mystery and suspense with such a beautiful abduction scene and its sooooo spooky when he gets that needle in his eye! Aaaaahh! When he's floating around and poking stuff is a bit weird but it only made the suspense so much harsher. Throughout the whole film I was guessing and then second guessing that and then third guessing and on the edge of my seat the whole time freaking out.

Absolutely fantastic. It was so well shot, too, with expert direction (as always) from Lieberman. He managed to the perfect balance between startlingly well lit and terrifyingly shadowed, with tell-tale close-ups and creepy tracking shots.

Honestly, I recommend this film to anyone into sci-fi. Just, er, excuse the weird bit with the guy and that other guys sister or daughter or whatever at the beginning. It's poorly acted and a bit out of place, in my opinion. Though, I can see it adding to the set-up of the mundane prior to the raucous... but, nah.

Quotes: 'Allan Dallis: I told you chuckleheads that story was never gonna work.'

'Travis Walton: They won't be back... I don't think they like me.'

Overall Rating: 4/5

Robin Hood Men In Tights

Director: Mel Brooks

Year: 1993

Language: English

Length: 1 hour 39 minutes (104 minutes)

Staring: Cary Elwes, Amy Yasbeck, Richard Lewis, Isaac Hayes, Roger Rees, Tracey Ullman, Dave Chappelle, Mel Brooks.

Plot: Mel Brooks directed and co-wrote and even appeared in this satiric comedy which lampoons a number of cinematic treatments of the legend of Sherwood Forest, including Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and The Adventures of Robin Hood. Robin Hood (Cary Elwes) comes home after fighting in the Crusades to learn that the noble King Richard (Patrick Stewart) is in exile and that the despotic King John (Richard Lewis) now rules England, with the help of the Sheriff of Rottingham (Roger Rees). 

Robin Hood assembles a band of fellow patriots to do battle with John and the Sheriff, including Asneeze (Isaac Hayes) and his son Ahchoo (Dave Chappelle), the blind watchman Blinkin (Mark Blankfield), Will Scarlet O'Hara (Matthew Porretta), and Rabbi Tuckman (Brooks). The Sheriff is eager to put Robin Hood out of business with the aid of criminal mastermind Don Giovanni (Dom DeLuise), but Robin soon has an ally in the royal palace when he falls for the lovely Maid Marian (Amy Yasbeck), whose minder Broomhilde (Megan Cavanagh) has uncooperatively outfitted Marian with a chastity belt. 

Review: This film has been my favourite film ever since I first saw it when I was, like, 7. Or Younger. I have bad parents. But seriously... This film. This film is just amazing. It has everything that you could want, hilarious banter, slapstick humour, witty one-liners, romance, action and an amazing cast of brilliant actors.

Of course, my view of this film is skewed as I am incredibly biased towards anything produced by Mel Brooks and with Cary Elwes in, I honestly believe this film is worth every penny. Its so well directed and beautifully shot. As with every Mel Brooks film, it is perfect down to every last detail and every single shot, item, sound and word counts.

Every single time I watch this film, it has me hoooowling with laughter.The thing that did it for me is that this one just goes way outside the fourth wall. Speeches are interrupted by cameras crashing through stained-glass windows, Teamsters hanging out off-set get cut down by the Sheriff of Rottingham (HI-OH!) in the middle of sword fights, characters pull out scripts to make sure that Robin gets a second shot at the archery contest, and thanks to a time machine that no one seems to mention, references to Nike pumps, Everlast chastity belts, Abe Lincoln, Mark Twain and Don Corleone are there for the taking, too. Prince John’s constantly-moving mole, someone yelling “Hey, Abbott!” like Lou Costello when an actual Abbott of the Church walks by, Little John “drowning” in two inches of water – that kinda stuff had me howling and I was not expecting to howl at all here.

And on top of all that we’ve got Isaac Hayes as “The Painted Man”, Asneeze; Dave Chappelle as his son, Ahchoo; Richard Lewis as Prince John; Tracey Ullman as a witch who changed her name from “Shithouse” to Latrine; a cameo from Patrick Stewart as King Richard; a scene-stealing Dom DeLuise as the English version of Don Corleone; Mel Brooks himself as Rabbi Tuckman; Amy Yasbeck who does a fine Maid Marian; and Cary Elwes as Robin who’s just as charming as he was in The Princess Bride, just that he’s funnier this time around.

Though I wouldn't say they couldn't watch it, I probably wouldn't sit down with the kids for this. It is definitely and adult film with suggestive themes and "adult" humour, no real swearing though, so I'd say a minimum of 13ish for this. Just a word of warning. However, it does have very childish jokes in it and they probably just won't understand the adult ones, so what the heck!

I really don't have much else to say except from how much I love this film.... so yeah. Go watch it ;D

Quotes: Robin Hood: “Because, I can speak in an English accent.”

Overall Rating: 5/5

Attack The Block

Director: Joe Cornish

Year: 2011

Language: English

Length: 1 hr 24mins (84 mins)

Staring: Nick Frost, Jodie Whittaker, Luke Treadaway, Joey Ansah, Chris, Wilson, Lee Nicholas Harris, Adam Leese.

Plot: [Taken from LOVEFiLM] Attack the Block is a fast, funny, frightening action adventure movie that pits a teen gang against an invasion of savage alien monsters. It turns a London housing estate into a sci-fi playground. A tower block into a fortress under siege. And teenage street kids into heroes. It's inner city versus outer space.

Trainee nurse Sam is walking home to her flat in a scary South London tower block when she's robbed by a gang of masked, hooded youths. She's saved when the gang are distracted by a bright meteorite, which falls from the sky and hits a nearby parked car. Sam flees, just before the gang are attacked by a small alien creature that leaps from the wreckage. The gang chase the creature and kill it, dragging its ghoulish carcass to the top of the block, which they treat as their territory.

While Sam and the police hunt for the gang, a second wave of meteors fall. Confident of victory against such feeble invaders, the gang grab weapons, mount bikes and mopeds, and set out to defend their turf. But this time, the creatures are bigger. Much bigger. Savage, shadowy and bestial, they are hunting their fallen comrade and nothing will stand in their way. The estate is about to become a battleground. And the bunch of no-hope kids who just attacked Sam are about to become her, and the block's, only hope.

Review: I couldn't recommend this film more. Firstly, it is not a film about heroes prevailing, which is awesome and different and scary. It's a near perfect rendition of how it would actually be aliens did attack a Block in the south. I say near because, coming from South London, I happen to know that pretty much everybody owns a gun.

However! With that aside, this is an amazing film. Its really dark with that wicked wit that often catches you by surprise. It really a film for everyone whether you laugh at what they say because of what they said or how they said it, either way you'll laugh. But, it does have its equal share of darkness you'd expect from a good sci-fi. Its got jumpy bits that add more to the suspense than just placed in there for the sake of it like you'd expect from such a low key film.

It was a brilliant idea about the aliens and moths and the pheromones and how that all worked! It wasn't something that had really been explored before and it worked perfectly. Oh Brewis and your pretty blue eyes and butt chin.

Its directed amazingly well, down to the tiniest pieces of background of the amazing make-up its beautiful. The shots are seamless and very well executed. I'm just not so sure about the actual plot... It seemed like they kind of forced scenes into it when they didn't really need to happen.

To be honest this film is full of beautiful one liners, which is good, but that's all there is, no real conversations took place. Which I personally liked because I hate it when films get too mushy and plot-y, but then I also feel like in taking it out near completely they may have lost something.The ending was... different. I also don't really think this film will work outside of the UK or if you have a concept of England, blocks of London in particular and its youth.

The acting is amazing and I can definitely see these kids being in more and more stuff along the road, but I'm not really sure why Nick Frost wasn't in it more? Odd... I love me some Nick Frost. 

I'm completely against the fact they killed his dog though. That was shit. Don't kill animals, dude. Not cool! The story would have moved along just fine without that.

Quotes: 'Pest: You'd be better off calling the Ghostbusters, love.'

'Pest: That's an alien, bruv. Believe it.'

'Jerome: This is too much madness to explain in one text!'

'Pest: Calm down, Biggz. This ain't Pokémon!'

'Hi-Hatz:I was gonna make you, now I'm gonna dead you. This is MY block.'

Overall Rating: 4/5

Amélie

Director: Jean-Pierre Jeunet

Year: 2001

Language: French

Length: 1 hr 56 mins (116 minutes)

Staring: Audrey Tautou, Mathieu Kassovitz, Yolande Moreau, Dominique Pinon, Michel Robin.

Plot: [Taken from LOVEFiLM]Amelie Poulain (Audrey Tautou) is a young woman who glides through the streets of Paris as quietly as a mouse. With wide eyes and a tiny grin, she sees the world in a magical light, discovering minor miracles every day. A shy and reserved person whose favorite moments are spent alone skimming stones into the water, Amelie was raised by a pair of eccentrics who falsely diagnosed her with a heart problem at the age of six and so limited her exposure to the outside world.

Now a free and independent woman, Amelie wears a bob that curls in every direction and dresses in red. With a job in a cafe and an aptitude for spying on her neighbors, Amelie entertains herself by enacting a series of homemade, kindhearted practical jokes. She returns a long-forgotten box of childhood knickknacks to its proper owner, she sends her father's garden troll on a trip around the world, and she creates a love connection at the cafe between the hypochondriac druggist and a beer-drinking grouch. But when the day is done, Amelie finds one stone unturned, and decides to work her magic on the quirky object of her affections, Nino Quincampoix (Matthieu Kassovitz), whom she has never met.

Review: It's witty, its beautiful, its cute, its funny, its sad, its happy, its perfect. I had no idea what to expect when I started watching this film, I'd never even heard of it and then it was in French and I had to read... But, it was absolutely brilliant. The use of colour and shots was perfect. The plot was odd and, at times, a little hard to follow, but really came together well at the end.

If you like French films, you'll like this (and actuall to be perfectly honest, even if you don't like French films, you'll like this). Its brilliant and completely unlike anything I'd seen before. If you're looking for something heart-warming, romantic and funny, yet thought-provoking, watch this. If you're not, then maybe you should watch it anyway because it's just so fricking good!

The way the story is told through the unfamiliar child-like mind of Amalie in that oddly fast-paced and curious way, is phenomenal. The thing with the gnome and the postcards is absolute beautiful genius. And daaaaamn is she beautiful!

Quotes: 'Amélie: It's better to help people than garden gnomes.'

Overall Rating: 5/5

X-Men: First Class

Director: Matthew Vaughn

Year: 2011

Language: English

Length: 2 hrs 12 mins (132 mins)

Staring: Michael Fassbender, James McAvoy, Kevin Bacon, Oliver Platt, Jennifer Lawrence, January Jones, Rose Byrne, Nocholas Hoult, Bill Milner, Zoe Kravitz.

Plot: A prequel to the x-men films showing the origins of Professor X, Magneto and the X-Men. Before these two were the arch enemies we know them as, they were the closest of friends, They worked together to find new mutants, train them and help to stop the greatest threat the world has ever known. So far. Shaw and his small gang are ensuring the start of WWIII. Slowly, as the film progresses a rift opens between the two that starts the eternal war between Professor X's X-Men and Magneto's Brotherhood.

Review: It is a very good film. It manages to be funny, sad, beautiful without actually having too much of a plot line to follow. Well done! Its so well shot and has such good acting that it fools you into thinking that the plot is amazing! And then you're like WAIT. That's shit!

And yet I love it. Its now in my top 100 for sure. Which is ridiculous! Especially seeing as I absolutely hate how they do Mystique. It's so Stupid. Stuuupid.

Oh, but, Emma Frost in her undies is sexy as hell. Michael Fassbender is an amazing actor in everything ever and this is no exception. His eyes are beautiful and hold so much emotion when he talks of his past. His face is calm and shows his hard background. Even when saying the shortest lines he makes them perfect. I could so see him growing into Ganda- I mean older Magneto portrayed by the fantabulous Sir Ian McKellen.

Also, why are James' lips so red? Its beautiful, but why?

Quotes: 'Logan: Go f**k yourself.'

'Xavier: Don't touch my hair.'

'Erik: My fellow mutants! The real enemy is out there.'

'Erik: I've been at the mercy of men just following orders. Never again.'

'Erik: You want society to accept you, but you can't even accept yourself.'

'Erik: What an adorable lab rat you make, Charles.'

'Xavier: A new species is being born. Help me guide it, shape it, lead it.'

'Xavier: There is so much more to you than you know. Not just pain and anger. There is good, too. I felt it. When you can access all of that, you will possess a power no one can match. Not even me.

Overall Rating: 3.5/5 (I want a sequal!)